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The ocean. It crashes onto the shore with undeniable power, then retreats, leaving behind whispers of sand and seashells. It's a constant push and pull, a dynamic dance of intimacy and solitude. Our relationships, too, ebb and flow in similar ways, pulsing with the rhythm of "in & out, close & alone.

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Vlad | Mentalist | Modeller | Handicapper
Vlad | Mentalist | Modeller | Handicapper
He is an explorer of the structure of subjective experience, seeking a deeper understanding of how people experience the world through their conscious and subconscious minds. He studies the inner worlds of thoughts, feelings, and sensations that shape our perceptions, behaviors, and choices.
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Knowing - This article is part of a series.
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Image credit: Gerd Altmann

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” - Maya Angelou


Relationships are a fundamental aspect of human experience, and their quality can significantly impact our overall well-being. Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) offers a unique framework for understanding and influencing relationship dynamics through the concepts of association and dissociation.

Association involves a fully immersed experience, where individuals feel connected to their emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations within the relationship.

Dissociation, in contrast, creates a sense of detachment and separation from these experiences.

This abstract explores the interplay of association and dissociation in shaping relationship dynamics, drawing on NLP principles and techniques. Key areas of discussion include:

  • The impact of association and dissociation on communication patterns and conflict resolution.
  • The role of these processes in emotional regulation and empathy within relationships.
  • NLP strategies for fostering healthy association and managing dissociation in relationships.
  • The potential benefits of incorporating NLP techniques into couples therapy and relationship counseling.
  • This abstract concludes by highlighting the importance of understanding association and dissociation for promoting positive relationship outcomes and fostering greater connection and understanding within partnerships.


The ultimate compliment: “You know you’re in a good relationship when you can laugh at each other’s farts. And still, kiss afterward.” - Uknown

Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) is a powerful framework that can be applied to understand and optimize relationship dynamics. Within this framework, the concepts of association and dissociation play a crucial role. This article explores the benefits of utilizing NLP techniques to enhance relationship dynamics through association and dissociation.

  • Building Rapport and Connection:

Using NLP techniques, individuals can develop a deeper sense of association within relationships. By understanding and mirroring non-verbal cues, such as body language and tonality, NLP facilitates the establishment of rapport and emotional connection. This leads to enhanced understanding, empathy, and trust, fostering healthier and more meaningful relationships.

  • Emotional Regulation and Empowerment:

  • NLP offers tools for managing emotions and achieving dissociation when necessary. Through techniques like anchoring and reframing, individuals can dissociate from negative emotions or traumatic experiences, empowering themselves to respond more effectively in challenging relationship situations. This enhances emotional regulation and reduces conflicts, enabling smoother communication and resolution.

  • Improved Communication:

NLP provides valuable communication strategies that enhance association within relationships. Techniques such as active listening, modeling, and sensory acuity enable individuals to understand and adapt to different communication styles. By aligning their language patterns, preferences, and sensory modalities, NLP facilitates effective communication, minimizing misunderstandings, and promoting clearer expression of thoughts and emotions.

  • Flexibility and Adaptability:

Relationships often require adapting to change and navigating different perspectives. NLP equips individuals with the ability to shift between association and dissociation as needed. By flexibly adjusting one’s mindset and adopting different perceptual positions, individuals can gain new insights, understand diverse viewpoints, and overcome relationship challenges. This flexibility promotes empathy, cooperation, and mutual understanding, strengthening the overall dynamics.

  • Personal Growth and Empathy:

Association and dissociation, when applied consciously through NLP, facilitate personal growth within relationships. By dissociating from limiting beliefs, fears, and past negative experiences, individuals can explore new possibilities and develop a stronger sense of self. This personal growth enhances empathy, as individuals become more attuned to the experiences and needs of others, leading to more fulfilling and harmonious relationships.

  • Conflict Resolution and Problem-Solving:

NLP techniques offer effective strategies for resolving conflicts and solving relationship problems. By utilizing techniques like reframing, pattern interruption, and negotiation models, individuals can uncover new perspectives, find common ground, and reach win-win solutions. This promotes healthier conflict management, fostering a supportive and cooperative environment within relationships.

  • Conclusion:

Employing Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) techniques to understand and utilize the dynamics of association and dissociation can greatly benefit relationships. By building rapport, enhancing communication, fostering flexibility, promoting personal growth, and facilitating conflict resolution, NLP empowers individuals to create and maintain healthier, more fulfilling connections. Embracing the principles of association and dissociation through NLP can transform relationships, leading to greater happiness, understanding, and overall relationship satisfaction.


The origins of relationship dynamics, encompassing the concepts of association and dissociation, can be traced back to the fundamental nature of human social interaction. This article explores the origins of relationship dynamics and how association and dissociation have evolved as integral aspects of human relationships.

  1. Evolutionary Origins: The origins of relationship dynamics can be found in the evolutionary history of human beings. As social creatures, humans have evolved to form connections and engage in cooperative behavior for survival and well-being. The need for association arises from the inherent desire to belong, share resources, protect one another, and fulfill emotional needs. This inclination towards association is deeply rooted in our evolutionary past and has shaped the development of complex social structures.

  2. Cultural and Societal Influences: The origins of relationship dynamics are also influenced by cultural and societal factors. Different cultures and societies have varying norms, values, and expectations regarding relationships. These cultural influences shape the way individuals associate with one another and determine the boundaries and dynamics of relationships. Cultural practices, traditions, and social norms play a significant role in defining the nature and extent of association and dissociation within relationships.

  3. Psychological and Emotional Origins: Association and dissociation in relationship dynamics have psychological and emotional origins. Humans have an inherent need for emotional connection, intimacy, and support. Association fulfills these needs by providing a sense of belonging, love, and companionship. On the other hand, dissociation arises from individual psychological processes, such as the need for autonomy, personal growth, and self-identity. Dissociation allows individuals to establish boundaries, explore their own aspirations, and maintain their well-being.

  4. Attachment Theory: Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby, explores the origins of relationship dynamics, particularly in the context of early childhood experiences. According to this theory, early attachment experiences with caregivers shape individuals’ patterns of association and dissociation in adult relationships. Secure attachments in childhood foster healthy association and trust in relationships, while insecure attachments may lead to difficulties in forming and maintaining connections or a tendency towards unhealthy dissociation.

  5. Interpersonal Experiences: Individual experiences in interpersonal relationships also contribute to the origins of relationship dynamics. Positive experiences of trust, support, and emotional connection reinforce the association, leading individuals to seek out similar dynamics in future relationships. Conversely, negative experiences such as betrayal, conflicts, or emotional pain can trigger dissociation as a protective mechanism to avoid further harm.

Conclusion: The origins of relationship dynamics, involving association and dissociation, can be traced back to evolutionary, cultural, psychological, and interpersonal factors. Humans have an innate drive to form connections and engage in relationships, driven by the need for companionship, support, and emotional fulfillment. At the same time, individuals also require autonomy, personal growth, and self-identity, leading to the necessity of dissociation at times. Understanding the origins of relationship dynamics helps us navigate the complexities of forming and maintaining healthy connections, fostering personal well-being, and fulfilling relationships.


  1. Principle of Association:

Association in relationship dynamics refers to the process of connecting, bonding and forming relationships with others. The principle of association is based on several key factors:

a. Common Interests and Values: Association often occurs when individuals share common interests, values, goals, or experiences. These commonalities serve as a foundation for establishing connections and fostering mutual understanding.

b. Emotional Compatibility: Emotional compatibility, such as shared empathy, kindness, and emotional resonance, plays a significant role in association. It involves the ability to connect on an emotional level, fostering intimacy and trust within relationships.

c. Proximity and Exposure: Physical proximity and frequent interaction increase the likelihood of association. Regular exposure to others allows for the development of familiarity, leading to stronger bonds and deeper connections.

  1. Principle of Dissociation:

Dissociation in relationship dynamics refers to the process of disconnection, separation, or distancing between individuals within a relationship. The principle of dissociation is influenced by various factors:

a. Conflicts and Differences: Conflicts, disagreements, and incompatible goals or values can lead to dissociation within relationships. When individuals face irreconcilable differences, dissociation may become necessary to preserve personal well-being and maintain healthy boundaries.

b. Individual Growth and Self-Discovery: Dissociation can arise from the need for personal growth and self-discovery. As individuals evolve and change over time, they may require space and autonomy to explore their own identities and aspirations.

c. Unhealthy Relationship Patterns: In cases where relationships become toxic, abusive, or detrimental to one’s well-being, dissociation is crucial. Recognizing and prioritizing personal safety and mental health often necessitate disconnection from harmful relationships.

  1. Interplay and Balance:

Relationship dynamics involve a delicate interplay between association and dissociation. Both are essential for the overall health and growth of relationships. Finding a balance between the two is vital to ensure that relationships remain dynamic, adaptable, and satisfying.

a. Fluidity and Adaptability: Relationships evolve and change over time, requiring individuals to fluidly transition between association and dissociation as needed. This adaptability allows for the exploration of new dynamics, accommodating individual growth while maintaining connection.

b. Communication and Understanding: Effective communication and understanding are critical in managing the interplay between association and dissociation. Open dialogue, empathy, and active listening facilitate mutual respect and the navigation of relationship dynamics with clarity and compassion.


The origins of relationship dynamics lie in the fundamental human need for social connection. Association and dissociation are two interconnected principles that shape relationships. Understanding the origins and principles of relationship dynamics helps individuals navigate the complexities of forming and maintaining healthy connections. By recognizing the interplay between association and dissociation, individuals can cultivate fulfilling relationships, fostering personal growth, and emotional well-being.


  • Sitting by side so you can perceive nuances in facial expression, gestures, and coloration of the skin and not stay in the way of a client who is accessing their images and creating metaphors in front of them.
  • Modulate your voice and speak slowly and melodically.
  • Be interested in client exploration.
  • Repeat the client’s words using his voice delivery. For instance, when the client spoke about an exciting event, his face lightened up, his words speeded up and his tone of voice was higher. As a professional, you are, to match his expression or attend acting class to learn essentials.
  • Connect the question and experience with coordinating conjunction and/as/when.


“The art of negotiation: “Want to win an argument? Just agree with everything your partner says until they get confused. Works every time.” - Unknown

Vlad: “Hello, What can I do for you today?”

Client: “I would like to overcome thinking about my ex.”

Vlad: “Would you like to erase all the memories or just the feeling that you hold on to.”

Client: “I didn’t think about it this way. I suppose I want to change my emotional response towards him.”

Vlad: “What is it like to think about your ex?”

Client: “My partner told me 2 years ago that he doesn’t want me anymore, abandoned me and I am still thinking about him.”

Vlad: “Ok. I want to clarify that once we use the process your feelings will change for good.” If you allow me I present here Core Transformation as a tool to connect to your deep inside when you need it. The first session will take about 30 minutes and with every practice you’ll do it better, easier, faster, and with more elegance, and after that will do the process if needed.”

Client: “Ok. Let’s go for it.”

Core Transformation

Client: “Something had changed. I can feel that I am me. Thanks very much.”

Vlad: “You are welcome. From the state of deep connection that radiates through, transforms, and enriches your initial quest. How do you feel about your ex now?”

Client: “I feel that the bound is cut. I can go forward and look towards establishing a new healthy relationship.”

Vlad: “That’s good to hear. Good luck.”


Client: “Something had changed. I can feel that I am me. Thanks very much.”

Vlad: “Ok. Now we dissolve any attachment. You will still get your memories, whoever the feeling will be gone. I will ask you to think of four events when you were disappointed with your ex. Choose events which caused you strong emotions of dissapointment and you were embarrassed by him.”

Client: “I got it.”

Vlad: “You will feel a mild pain for a short period while we are doing this and after lasting relief. I would like you to go through those four events imagining them in life-size, vivid colors, with sounds that were there and your inner dialog. Will start running through each one of those events slowly, then faster, faster, then will make them overlap so it feels like all events are happening at once making a threshold of never again. See what you saw, hear what you heard, and feel what you felt. Go to the next event. See what you saw, hear what you heard, and feel what you felt. Go to the next event. See what you saw, hear what you heard, and feel what you felt. Go to the next event. See what you saw, hear what you heard, and feel what you felt. Now we spin them faster and faster. And faster still till you feel them overlap and all of them are occurring at the same time till you feel the change. Now think of your ex again.”

Client: “I’ve got better things to do and life ahead of me. He has got his life and is not anymore part of mine.”

Vlad: “That’s good to hear. Good luck.”


Enhancing Your Relationship: Associating with Pleasant Memories and Dissociating from Unpleasant Ones.

Building and maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship with your partner requires conscious effort and understanding. One effective approach is to associate with pleasant memories and dissociate from unpleasant ones. By utilizing this strategy, you can strengthen your emotional connection, enhance communication, and foster a positive atmosphere within your relationship. This article explores how associating with pleasant memories and dissociating from unpleasant ones can contribute to a thriving partnership. You can use the process to cut relationship bound as well.

  1. Associating into Pleasant Memories:

Associating with pleasant memories involves deliberately focusing on positive experiences and emotions shared with your partner. Here are some ways to do so:

a. Reflect on Happy Moments: Take time to reminisce about enjoyable experiences you’ve had together. Recall moments of laughter, joy, or achievement that brought you closer and strengthened your bond. By revisiting these memories, you can evoke positive emotions and reinforce the connection between you and your partner.

b. Create New Positive Experiences: Actively seek out opportunities to create new pleasant memories together. Engage in activities you both enjoy, plan special dates, or embark on adventures that will generate positive emotions and deepen your connection. By intentionally cultivating positive experiences, you can enhance the overall quality of your relationship.

c. Practice Gratitude: Expressing gratitude for your partner’s positive qualities and actions can further associate you with pleasant memories. Regularly acknowledge and appreciate the things they do that bring you happiness. By focusing on their positive attributes, you reinforce a positive perception of your partner and cultivate a harmonious relationship.

  1. Dissociating from Unpleasant Memories:

Dissociating from unpleasant memories involves consciously detaching from negative experiences or conflicts that may hinder the growth and well-being of your relationship. Consider the following approaches:

a. Reframe Negative Experiences: Reframing is a technique that involves changing the way you perceive and interpret negative experiences. Instead of dwelling on the negative aspects, focus on the lessons learned or the personal growth that resulted from challenging situations. By reframing, you can dissociate from the negative emotions associated with those memories and foster a more positive outlook.

b. Communicate and Resolve Conflicts: Effective communication is crucial in managing and resolving conflicts. Address any unresolved issues or past hurts through open and honest conversations with your partner. By discussing concerns and finding mutually agreeable solutions, you can dissociate from negative emotions and promote healing within the relationship.

c. Set Boundaries: Establishing and respecting personal boundaries is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship. If certain topics or memories consistently trigger negative emotions or conflicts, communicate your boundaries to your partner. By mutually agreeing to avoid or approach these sensitive areas with care, you can dissociate from potential triggers and maintain a more harmonious dynamic.

  1. Striking a Balance:

While associating with pleasant memories and dissociating from unpleasant ones can be beneficial, it’s crucial to strike a balance. Recognize that both positive and negative experiences contribute to the growth of a relationship. Here are some considerations:

a. Emotional Resilience: Building emotional resilience allows you to navigate both positive and negative aspects of your relationship. Acknowledge that challenges and conflicts are opportunities for growth and learning. Developing resilience will enable you to handle difficulties effectively while maintaining a strong emotional connection.

b. Communication and Understanding: Open and empathetic communication is vital in maintaining balance. Regularly check in with your partner, ensuring that you’re both on the same page regarding your emotional needs and expectations. This understanding will foster a supportive environment where both partners can associate with the good and healthily dissociate from the negative.

Conclusion: Associating pleasant memories and dissociating from unpleasant ones can be powerful tools for cultivating a positive and fulfilling relationship. By intentionally focusing on positive experiences, reframing negative ones, and maintaining effective communication, you can strengthen your emotional bond and create an environment that nurtures growth and happiness. Remember to strike a balance and embrace the lessons learned from both positive and negative experiences, fostering resilience and understanding within your partnership.


Meditation is a powerful practice that can significantly contribute to nurturing a healthy and fulfilling relationship with your partner. By incorporating meditation into your routine and combining it with the principles of associating with pleasant memories and dissociating from unpleasant ones, you can cultivate a deeper emotional connection, increase self-awareness, and promote harmony within your relationship. This article explores how meditation can support the process of associating with pleasant memories and dissociating from unpleasant ones, leading to greater relationship satisfaction.

  1. Creating a Meditative Space:

Choose a quiet and comfortable space where you can meditate without distractions. Create an environment that promotes relaxation and tranquility, such as dimming the lights, using soft cushions or a meditation mat, and playing calming music if desired. This dedicated space allows you to focus inward and engage in the practice more effectively.

  1. Mindfulness Meditation for Association:

Mindfulness meditation is a practice that involves being fully present and aware of the present moment. By incorporating mindfulness into your meditation practice, you can associate more deeply with pleasant memories. Here’s how:

a. Set an Intention: Begin your meditation session by setting an intention to bring to mind positive memories and experiences shared with your partner. Reflect on the feelings of love, joy, and connection associated with those moments.

b. Focus on Sensations: Direct your attention to the sensations in your body as you recall pleasant memories. Notice the warmth, tingling, or any other physical sensations that arise. By immersing yourself in the physical sensations linked to positive experiences, you can enhance the association and deepen the emotional connection within your relationship.

c. Cultivate Gratitude: As you engage in mindfulness meditation, express gratitude for the positive memories and experiences you have shared with your partner. Cultivating gratitude helps strengthen positive emotional associations and fosters appreciation for your relationship.

  1. Loving-Kindness Meditation for Dissociation:

Loving-kindness meditation, also known as metta meditation, promotes feelings of compassion, empathy, and love towards oneself and others. It can be a valuable tool for dissociating from unpleasant memories within your relationship. Here’s how:

a. Self-Compassion: Begin by directing loving-kindness towards yourself. Offer kind and compassionate words, such as “May I be free from suffering. May I be at peace.” This practice helps cultivate self-acceptance and allows you to dissociate from self-critical thoughts or past mistakes that may impact your relationship.

b. Extend Loving Kindness to Your Partner: Shift your focus to your partner and send loving kindness their way. Wish them happiness, love, and well-being. By extending compassion and forgiveness towards your partner, you can dissociate from past conflicts or painful experiences, fostering healing and understanding within the relationship.

c. Expand to Others: In loving-kindness meditation, gradually expand your focus to include other people in your life, such as family, friends, and even those with whom you have strained relationships. By cultivating loving-kindness towards a broader circle of individuals, you develop a more compassionate and forgiving outlook, which can positively influence your relationship dynamics.

  1. Consistency and Integration:

To experience the full benefits of meditation in your relationship, consistency is key. Aim to incorporate regular meditation sessions into your routine, even if they are short. Consistent practice will help you develop a greater sense of self-awareness, emotional regulation, and a deeper connection with your partner.

Additionally, integrate the lessons and insights gained from meditation into your everyday life. Apply the principles of associating with pleasant memories and dissociating from unpleasant ones during interactions with your partner. Mindfully choose to focus on positive aspects, express gratitude, and exercise compassion to nurture a harmonious relationship.


By integrating meditation into your relationship journey and utilizing the techniques of associating with pleasant memories and dissociating from unpleasant ones, you can cultivate an environment of love, understanding, and growth. Through mindfulness and loving-kindness practices, meditation helps you develop a deeper emotional connection with your partner while allowing you to detach from negative experiences that may hinder your relationship’s progress. Embrace the transformative power of meditation and watch as it positively influences your relationship dynamics, leading to greater happiness and fulfillment for both you and your partner.


▶️ Youtube - Paul McKenna - I CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE - Programme 1


Q: What is NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) in the context of relationship dynamics?

A: NLP, or Neuro-Linguistic Programming, is a psychological approach that focuses on understanding the relationship between thoughts, language, and patterns of behavior. In the context of relationship dynamics, NLP techniques can be used to enhance communication, manage emotions, and promote positive interactions between partners.

Q: How does association and dissociation relate to NLP in relationships?

A: In NLP, association refers to fully immersing oneself in a particular experience, mentally reliving it as if it were happening in the present. Dissociation, on the other hand, involves detaching oneself from an experience and viewing it from an observer’s perspective. In relationships, NLP techniques use association and dissociation to enhance emotional connections by encouraging partners to immerse themselves in positive experiences and detach from negative ones.

Q: How can NLP techniques help in associating with pleasant memories in a relationship?

A: NLP techniques can help individuals associate with pleasant memories by using visualization and sensory techniques. By revisiting positive experiences and engaging the senses, such as visualizing the scene, recalling sounds or smells, and feeling the associated emotions, NLP can intensify the positive memories and strengthen the emotional bond between partners.

Q: Can NLP assist in dissociating from unpleasant memories within a relationship?

A: Yes, NLP techniques can be applied to dissociate from unpleasant memories in relationships. By using techniques such as reframing, where the meaning or interpretation of a negative memory is changed, or timeline therapy, which involves mentally placing the memory in the past, NLP can help individuals detach from and reframe their negative experiences, fostering healing and personal growth.

Q: How can NLP improve communication between partners?

A: NLP offers various communication techniques that can enhance understanding and connection between partners. These techniques include rapport-building exercises, sensory acuity to observe non-verbal cues, and the use of language patterns to improve clarity and influence. By applying NLP principles, partners can communicate more effectively, leading to better understanding and improved relationship dynamics.

Q: Are there any NLP techniques specifically designed for resolving conflicts in relationships?

A: Yes, NLP offers techniques that can help partners resolve conflicts. One such technique is the “Meta-Model,” which involves asking specific questions to challenge and clarify the presuppositions and limitations in communication. Additionally, techniques like the “New Behavior Generator” can be used to develop new patterns of behavior and responses to conflicts, fostering constructive dialogue and conflict resolution.

Q: Can NLP be used to address limiting beliefs or negative patterns in relationships?

A: Absolutely. NLP techniques, such as the “Swish Pattern” or “Anchoring,” can be utilized to address limiting beliefs or negative patterns within relationships. These techniques aim to rewire thought patterns and emotional responses, helping individuals break free from negative cycles and develop positive beliefs and behaviors that support healthy relationship dynamics.

Q: Is it necessary to work with an NLP practitioner to apply these techniques effectively?

A: While working with an NLP practitioner can provide guidance and support, many NLP techniques can be learned and practiced independently. There are numerous books, online resources, and courses available that offer step-by-step instructions on applying NLP techniques to improve relationship dynamics. However, seeking professional assistance can provide personalized guidance and help address specific challenges within your relationship.


  • The Grocery List: My husband asked me to add “patience” to the grocery list. I wrote “scarce.” (Image of a couple laughing in a grocery store aisle)

  • The Dishes Debate: My wife asked if I could do the dishes. I replied, “Sure, but I’m using the NLP technique of reframing. From now on, I call them ’love tokens’ instead.” She just gave me a look.

  • The Silent Treatment: My partner told me they were giving me the silent treatment. I responded with, “Oh, perfect! I’ve been meaning to practice my active listening skills.” Crickets chirped.

  • The Compliment Backfire: I told my partner they looked handsome even with their morning bedhead. They said, “Thanks! You too… after you put on some pants.”

  • The “Honey” Test: My wife asked me to do something. I said, “Sure, honey!” She replied, “Wait a minute, you only call me ‘honey’ when you want something.” Busted!

  • The Laundry Fairy: My husband left his dirty clothes all over the floor. I told him, “The laundry fairy must be on strike.” He said, “Maybe you should leave her a better tip next time.”

  • The Phone Snatcher: My girlfriend caught me scrolling through her phone. I quickly said, “I was just using NLP subliminal messaging techniques to make you love me more!” It worked… for about five minutes.

  • The Subconscious Suggestion: I told my partner, “I wonder what amazing things we could achieve together…” They immediately started cleaning the kitchen.

  • The Mirrored Emotions: My wife was feeling stressed, so I mirrored her body language and tone of voice. Suddenly, she started laughing!

  • The Reframing Champion: My partner complained about my messy desk. I said, “It’s not messy, it’s creatively organized chaos! Think of it like a Jackson Pollock painting.” They weren’t convinced.

  • The Calibration Check: My husband was upset about something. I asked, “On a scale of 1 to 10, how upset are you?” He said, “11.”


Association refers to feeling fully immersed and connected in a relationship, while dissociation creates a sense of detachment.

  • Two Trees in a Forest: Two trees, rooted closely together, weather storms and grow taller, their branches intertwining in trust and support. Disagreements are like gusts of wind, bending branches but not breaking the bond.

  • The Orchestra of Emotions: In a healthy relationship, emotions flow like music in an orchestra. Joyful laughter shines like trumpets, anger rumbles like timpani, and quiet moments resonate like cellos. NLP helps harmonize these melodies.

  • The Kaleidoscope of Communication: Words and actions become colorful fragments in a kaleidoscope, swirling to form pictures of understanding. Association involves looking through the same lens and appreciating the ever-changing patterns. Dissociation is like a tilted scope, distorting the image.

  • The Dance of Vulnerability: A tango of trust unfolds, partners leaning into each other’s vulnerability with graceful strength. NLP provides steps to navigate this delicate dance, avoiding stumbles and finding balance.

  • The Ebb and Flow of Trust: Relationships are like sandcastles on the beach, built with trust as the foundation. Waves of challenges may erode, but association encourages rebuilding with stronger walls. Dissociation is like ignoring the tide, risking a sudden collapse.

  • The Compass of Empathy: Empathy acts as a compass, guiding partners towards understanding. The association involves aligning compasses and navigating paths together. Dissociation is like a broken compass, leading to confusion and misdirection.

  • The Mirror of Reflection: We see ourselves reflected in our partner’s eyes, a mirror revealing strengths and flaws. Association allows us to learn from each other’s reflections, polishing our image. Dissociation turns the mirror away, obscuring our true selves.

  • The Puzzle of Needs: Each partner holds a piece of the puzzle, their needs fitting together to create a complete picture. Communication and compromise become the glue, filling in gaps and creating a satisfying whole. Dissociation is like holding onto separate pieces, unable to see the bigger picture.

  • The River of Growth: A relationship flows like a river, sometimes calm, sometimes raging. Association means riding the rapids together, weathering the storms, and emerging stronger. Dissociation is like drifting apart, tributaries pulling partners in opposite directions.

  • The Garden of Appreciation: Appreciation and care nurture a relationship like a garden, flowers blooming in response to sunlight and water. Association involves tending the garden together and appreciating each other’s unique blooms. Dissociation is like neglecting the garden, with weeds flourishing in the absence of care.

  • **The Compass Star of Shared Goals:**Shared goals act as a guiding star, illuminating the path forward. The association involves navigating by the same star, united in purpose. Dissociation is like having different constellations, leading to uncertainty and confusion.

  • The Venn Diagram of Overlap: Interests and experiences create overlapping circles in a Venn diagram of a relationship. The association involves finding and expanding those overlaps, connecting deeper. Dissociation is like shrinking circles, leaving little common ground.

  • The Bridge of Forgiveness: Misunderstandings are like chasms, but forgiveness becomes a bridge. Association involves building and crossing the bridge together, leaving the past behind. Dissociation keeps the chasm wide, hindering connection.

  • The Oasis of Shared Laughter: Laughter is an oasis in the desert of stress, a place of rejuvenation and connection. Association revels in this shared oasis, finding joy in simple moments. Dissociation is like being lost in separate sand dunes, missing the laughter’s call.

  • The Weaving of Shared Dreams: Dreams, like threads, are woven together in a vibrant tapestry. The association encourages co-creation, strengthening the tapestry with each shared thread. Dissociation leaves frayed ends, weakening the fabric of the dream.


@book Connirae Andreas; Steve Andreas, 1987; Change Your Mind and Keep the Change: Advanced NLP Submodalities Interventions, ISBN 9780911226294

@book Grinder, John; Richard Bandler 1981; Trance-Formations: Neuro-Linguistic Programming and the Structure of Hypnosis ISBN 0-911226-23-0.

@book Andreas, Connirae; Andreas, Tamara 1994; Core transformation: reaching the wellspring within ISBN 0-911226-32-X.

@book Andreas, Connirae 2018; Coming to Wholeness: How to Awaken and Live with Ease ISBN 978-0911226515

@article Dijkstra, N., Fleming, S.M. Subjective signal strength distinguishes reality from imagination. Nat Commun 14, 1627 (2023).

@link The Wholeness Work

@link Core Transformation


“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” - Henny Youngman

  • I have read books, watched videos, attended seminars, and practiced on myself and others. After many relationships, I have gained some personal insights. I do recommend that you search for a practitioner who has knowledge, skills, experience, and elegance for your first session.


Understanding the interplay of association and dissociation in relationship dynamics is a powerful tool for fostering healthy and fulfilling connections. Association, marked by deep immersion and connection, allows us to build trust, navigate challenges, and experience joy alongside one another. Dissociation, on the other hand, creates distance and detachment, hindering communication, empathy, and growth.

The key to a thriving relationship lies in recognizing and managing these dynamics. Techniques from NLP, like anchoring positive emotions, mirroring communication styles, and reframing negativity, can help strengthen association and mitigate dissociation. By fostering emotional openness, practicing effective communication, and nurturing shared experiences, couples can cultivate a dance of connection where individual growth intertwines with a deepening bond.

Ultimately, the conclusion isn’t a fixed endpoint, but an ongoing journey. Relationships are dynamic tapestries woven with threads of association and dissociation. By embracing their ebb and flow, learning to navigate their complexities, and investing in continuous growth, partners can create a dance of connection that endures life’s challenges and flourishes amidst joy.

Here are some additional points you might consider for your conclusion:

  • The importance of seeking professional help if dissociation becomes too dominant or leads to unhealthy patterns in the relationship.
  • The concept of “healthy distancing” within a relationship and how it can sometimes complement association.
  • The idea that understanding these dynamics can be beneficial not only for romantic relationships but also for all kinds of interpersonal connections.

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